literature

Dave: Be sick and start talking to John.

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▼: yo
▲: hi dave!
▼: hey
▲: what's up?
▼: oh not much
▼: sup with you
▲: guh, stuck with a project to do over the weekend. so lame.
▼: hahaha
▼: homework or some shit
▲: yeah, biology project. it's so boring!
▼: i thought you liked biology
▼: being the ectobiolowhatever
▲: writing essays about the foundations of vestigial structures is not really something that's fun, dave.
▼: what vestigial structures
▼: like appendixes or something
▼: yawn
▼: heh yawn rhymes with john
▼: i could rap about that but i dont feel like it
▲: whoa, whoa.
▲: dave strider doesn't feel like rapping?
▲: are you sick?
▼: maybe
▲: where is the fire raining down?
▼: nah nothin that serious
▼: just ate way too much undercooked shit
▼: not my fault the kitchens fucking useless
▲: dave! that's not healthy!!
▼: like i didnt know that
▼: yeesh
▲: well, alright, you knew that. but still!
▼: hey it got me a few days off school
▼: i aint complaining
▲: are you really feeling that crappy? jeez!
▼: well yeah
▼: when im upending the contents of my stomach into the white porcelain bowl in a tiny bathrrom
▼: its hard not to feel a little crappy
▼: but w/e
▲: awh man, i feel bad for you! getting that sick sucks balls.
▼: yeah no kidding
▲: maybe you should try going to a doctor or something?
▼: nah man
▼: fucking hate the doctor
▲: it's not that bad.
▼: hes a huge dick
▼: so yeah it is that bad
▲: but they give you medication and you'll feel better!
▼: w/e
▼: ill just lie in bed
▼: drinking microwaved tea
▼: and campbells chicken soup
▼: not that big a deal john
▲: but i feel bad! it's hard to imagine you getting sick, for the record.
▼: heh
▼: record
▼: like the one on my shirt
▼: sorry im getting a lil loopy or some shit
▲: jeez, do you have a fever or something too?
▼: maybe idk
▼: kinda hard to tell when you dont have a thermostat
▼: wait
▼: thermometer
▲: you're kind of worrying me now, dude. :(
▼: sorrt
▼: *sorry
▼: dont worry about it just some 24 hr thing
▼: thats lasted 3 days
▲: have you even told your bro about this?
▼: bros nowhere to be found
▼: but he did call the school so he knows im sick
▼: and then he disappeared
▼: woop de fucking do big surprise
▲: daaaaaaaave. i'm really worried about you!
▼: dont be
▼: im fine
▼: i dont want you worrying about me egderp im good
▲: no you're not! liar!
▲: lying makes you go blind, dave!
▼: hey now
▼: im not the one here who wears glasses
▲: oh, crap, you're right.
▼: hah
▼: strider is right once again
▲: oh, hush.
▼: *fistbunp*
▼: nah
▲: still going to worry about you, anyway.
▼: stop that
▼: no
▲: yes.
▼: no
▼: stopit
▼: bad john
▼: if yuo were here id bap you with a newspaper
▲: good thing i can worry safely from my snow fort of a house up here in washington, then!
▼: god dammit
▼: youre not very nice egbert you know that
▲: i am so nice!
▼: yeah right
▼: teasing me with your absense when all i need is a friendly touch
▼: dick
▲: for the record, i'd most definitely be tending to you like a bedside nurse if i were there.
▲: i'd even hold your shades while you puke.
▼: would you wear the miniskirt an everythin
▲: oh, of course!
▼: ah nice
▼: let me just lay back and imagine that for a moment
▲: thigh highs are included in that package, too.
▼: sweet
▼: and now youre teasing me even more
▼: heh you said package
▲: i'm not teasing you!
▼: yeah right
▲: ...heh i did say package.
▼: you could be here all decked out like an asian nursemaid making me chicken soup and shit
▼: and youre stuck in washington
▼: thanks alot
▲: haha, you wouldn't want me prancing around your house in a miniskirt, dave.
▼: oh really
▼: what made you jump to that conclusion
▲: because... no? is that a good reason?
▼: nope
▼: tisnt
▼: real reason egbert
▲: i don't know!
▼: why wouldnt i want you "prancing around my house in a miniskirt"
▲: wearing a miniskirt and tending to you isn't generally a thing i think about!
▼: well youre thinking about it now
▼: admit it
▲: i! ...okay, maybe a little bit.
▼: hah
▼: see
▼: i win yet again
▼: do i get a prize
▼: whoa hold off on the award ceremony i gotta go vomit
▼: brb
▲: oh god, gross, dave!
▲: but i guess i'll just wait here. and spam you with words.
▲: haha, if i was your maid-thing, i'd make sure to rub your back and stuff. to make you feel better faster!
▲: and maybe you'd get a kiss on the cheek or something, if you actually took some medicine!
▲: or, oh wait, shit.
▲: don't read that line two lines ago, okay??
▼: bck
▲: oh, hi!
▼: too late i totally read it
▼: so
▲: no you didn't.
▲: what are you talking about.
▲: you are a liar.
▼: if i take some medicine youll give me a kiss
▼: nope
▲: what.
▲: who said that.
▼: you did
▼: stop playing dumb john
▼: you totally have a homocrush on me dont you
▲: you know, i think i should probably get back to doing my project now.
▼: nah dont abscond bro
▼: you aint leavig yet
▼: shit *leaving
▲: hmm, what's this little "x" on the window here?
▼: john
▼: no
▼: just
▼: no okay
▼: please
▼: there you got strider to say the p word ya happy
▼: god dammit dont go yet
▲: not really happy, no, because now strider is going to harass me senseless about some stupid thing i wrote without thinking about, and probably won't be my best bro anymore.
▼: no
▲: yes.
▼: i dont want to be your best bro anymore
▼: i want to be something
▼: i guess
▼: alittle more
▼: dog gamn roses gonna have a field day with this
▲: i don't really think you should go saying stupid things like this when you don't feel good, dave.
▼: dude
▼: the throing up helped a little
▼: *throwing
▼: besides this isnt a new feeling
▼: ive been trying to figure out a way to tell you for ages
▲: really?
▼: no john im being totally sarcastic and lying to your blue text face
▼: yes really
▼: you have my word as a strider that im not joking about this
▲: it's hard to tell with you half the time! but, as long as you promise, i guess.
▼: meh
▼: course i do
▼: and when i promise something i mean it
▲: hah, i hope so.
▲: so. what do you think we should, um, do about this?
▼: well
▼: iunno
▼: we are kind of separated by about 25 states
▼: i guess i ddnt plan anything out past the actual telling
▲: 25 states. really? this is news to me!
▼: i was exaggerateigns
▼: how do you even fucking spell that word
▼: jegus
▼: do you have any ideas egderp
▲: i'm not sure, seeing as i was pretty much planning on telling you in, oh, i'd say never.
▼: really
▼: good thing it just kinda slipped out then huh
▼: cause i was taking forever with the telling too obviously
▼: god damn i really fucking wanna kiss you right now john
▲: haha, i think that might be really, really nice right about now.
▼: well have to settle for slobbering all over our monitors like a certain nerdy troll
▼: a thought just occurred to me though
▼: could we usurp jades dog or somethin
▲: your plan already sounds pretty horrible, dave. just saying.
▼: hahaha i have an excuse
▼: im sick
▼: humor me
▼: but doesnt that devilbeast like teleport or something
▼: or maybe you could steal about five hundred bucks from your dad and catch a plane down here
▼: id do that but its kinda hard being bedridden and all
▲: i can't steal from my dad, dave!
▲: i mean, he might understand if i ask...
▼: i was being facetious
▼: how do i even know that word wtf
▲: i was just going to say, haha!
▼: mustve heard it from rose at one point
▼: but anyway even if we cant see each other atm
▼: shit ill just bite the bullet and ask
▼: john will you be my boyfriend
▼: ive got the virtual chocolate and bouquet of roses and everything
▼: dont leave me hanging
▲: i wasn't leaving you hanging! i just, hah, teared up a little.
▲: i'd like that, a lot. :)
▼: aw i made you cry john
▼: then again you get teary over fucking nic cage
▼: but w/e
▲: hey! that's just mean, man. just mean.
▼: heh
▼: cant help ripping on that guy sorry brah
▲: you are so freaking lucky i like you enough to let your jackass comments about my hero slide, mister strider.
▼: you know im not entirely serous about it though
▼: well i kind of am
▼: but i just keep pushing at it to get a rise outta you ya know
▼: whoa hold on brb the porcelain throne beckons
▼: again
▲: stop typing and go throw up, jesus!
▲: god, you are like a little kid.
▲: the kind that kind of just stand there for a second before puking all over their shirt.
▲: ...did i mention vomit is like, super gross?
▲: because it is.
▲: you would be getting 0 smooches right now.
▲: on the lips, anyway.
▼: well damn there goes my fantasy
▼: about sloppy vomit laden makeouts
▼: btw i didnt throw up on my shirt
▼: didnt get it all in the toilet though
▲: oh my god, please stop talking about it.
▼: nagh
▼: *nah
▼: only for your benefit babe
▲: heh. "babe". hehe.
▲: but no, stop talking about it.
▼: get used to the pet names kitten
▼: cause im gonna be using em constantly now
▲: what? why??
▼: i have an excuse dont i
▼: youre totally my boyfriend now remember
▼: honey
▲: but, that... ngh.
▼: you dont like it
▲: it makes me seem like a girl...
▼: well
▼: so what
▼: its usually the girls that call me names when i go out with them
▼: i dont really see the difference
▼: sweetie
▼: or should i call you humming bird
▲: hummingbird doesn't even make any sense. durr.
▼: isnt that was nic cage calls that one chick in con air
▼: thought youd like that
▲: oh, haha! didn't even catch that!
▼: whoa
▼: john didnt catch a con air reference
▲: it's late, hush.
▼: are you sick too
▲: yes dave. dying, in fact. cough, cough.
▼: ha ha
▼: very funny
▲: thanks!
▼: i didnt know biology essays were a legit cause of death
▲: oh, they are. they are.
▼: wow
▲: i can feel my life slowly being drained out of me and poured into this painfully boring paper.
▼: well dont let it drain out all your life
▼: or else ill have to kiss you back alive like sleeping beauty or w/e
▲: that sounds like a pretty legitiamte deal, i like the sound of that.
▲: crap, ignore my typo.
▼: on second thought that does sound like a nice scenario
▼: ill take it
▲: exactly, haha!
▼: does this mean i get to call you princess now
▼: princess hummingbird
▲: ...you are just trying to make me smash my face into the desk, aren't you.
▲: or die from blushing.
▲: whichever happens quicker.
▼: hey ill bet youre cute when you blush
▼: and if you die
▼: boom kissing thing again
▲: no, no, just look like an idiot really. but that's not different from most of the time, i guess!
▼: john
▼: you dont look like an idiot
▲: dave.
▼: and i doubt you ever will
▲: what did i tell you about lying.
▼: what did i tell you about glasses
▲: augh, dammit!
▼: hah
▼: i win
▼: again
▲: nuh-uh. i didn't agree to that. so there.
▼: saying dammit when someone utters an argument is p much agreeing youve lost princess
▼: so there
▲: you suck.
▲: did you know that?
▼: yes
▼: yes i do
▼: too bad you dont know firsthand
▼: wink
▲: tease!
▼: heh
▼: sucks to be you doesnt it
▲: for sure!
▼: well then
▲: now i'm thinking of things that i shouldn't be thinking about trying to write my paper and augh, you are terrible!
▼: i try
▲: figures you would.
▼: well you should probably find a way down here before poor little me dies of food poisoning huh
▼: cough cough
▼: puke
▲: you aren't going to die!
▼: yes i am
▼: rosebud
▼: i can see the light john
▼: its beckoning me
▲: you are going to live. long enough to read the end of this sentence that says how fearless i am about asking my dad for money for a trip down to texas.
▲: oh crap, i forgot the part where he said "yes", too. oops.
▼: the light john
▼: its so beautiful
▼: i cant resist its pull
▲: fight it for me!
▼: hahahaha
▼: youre totally taking it seriously arent you
▼: john you derp
▲: :( i worry about you, that's all.
▼: i know
▼: i was just messing with you john
▼: sorry
▲: oh my god, did dave strider just apologize? formally? to me??
▲: i'm getting the v.i.p treatment here, huh!
▼: why yes yes i did
▼: we must erect a monument for this momentous occassion
▼: heheh...erect
▲: i totally just laughed at that, too.
▼: what the apology or the innuendo
▲: innuendo, of course!
▼: dude i fucking love you
▲: did i do something cool or something?
▼: nah dude
▼: youre just john
▼: and john is deserving of all the love
▼: all of it
▼: dude im facepalming here i had no idea i could get this corny
▲: awh, dave!
▼: i blame you
▲: blame me, i don't care. i think it's really nice to hear.
▼: or read
▼: w/e
▼: tell me hummingbird
▼: whats the current color of your cheeks
▼: my curiosity is overwhelming
▲: hmm, somewhere between "jesus christ my face is burning" and "holy hell how am i still alive there is no blood flow to any other organs" i think.
▼: heh
▼: how many times have i one in this convo
▼: probably like
▼: a million
▼: and i meant won and not one
▲: i gave up winning against you such a long time ago.
▼: i can tell
▼: youre not even trying
▲: you always win! i see no point in attempting at this point.
▼: thats right
▼: i always win
▼: and as my prize i demand that you try again
▼: just to see how it goes
▲: guh, fine. what's the topic that i've got to win?
▼: make me blush dude
▼: my face needs a little color in it
▼: im dying from pasty face syndrome
▼: and food poisoning
▼: the light
▲: oh god, don't go off about the light again, dave.
▼: dammit fine
▲: make you blush... um... hmm.
▼: im waiting my pet
▼: heh
▲: well, i love you? a lot. even if you are a jerk half the time. and you never pick on me just to be mean, which is cool!
▲: i'm not good at this. :(
▼: nah its a start keep going
▲: uhhh, you always make me smile like, a super a lot when you talk to me. and i think your raps are actually pretty funny, and i bet they sound really good in person?
▼: hell yeah they do
▲: haha, i always imagine you with a texan accent. heh.
▼: um
▼: whered you get that
▲: because you live there, silly!
▼: so
▼: asdf
▲: er, i guess i was wrong about that one? sorry.
▼: nahy
▼: *nah
▼: youre kinda right
▲: awwh! that's super cute though, dave!
▼: uh
▼: dude
▼: thought you said you werent good at this
▲: i'm not!
▼: then whys it working
▼: dude youre a liar
▲: is it?? but i didn't even say nice things like you did.
▼: yes you did you derp
▲: saying you have an accent is nice?
▼: i hate my accent
▼: no one ever likes it
▼: ive been trying to get it under control
▲: no!
▲: i mean, you shouldn't. heh.
▼: why not
▼: youre the only one whos said its cute
▼: you must be fibbing
▲: because... i'm the only one who said it's cute. that's why you shouldn't.
▲: i'm not lying!
▼: well no that means i should
▼: and only use it when i talk to you
▲: ieeee, stop it.
▼: hah am i winning again
▲: of course you are. you always win!
▼: nah dude you one that last round
▼: i lost it miserably
▼: can i tell you a secret
▲: of course!
▼: i havent smiled this huge in a long time john
▼: im smiling like an egbert on caffeine
▼: con fucking grats
▲: haha, why are you congratulating me? you're the one smiling!
▼: you made me smile though
▼: not even my bro can do that
▲: but i didn't think you were really capable of smiling, to be honest! heh.
▼: well the muscles in my face are starting to hurt a bit
▼: thanks alot
▲: oh, sorry!
▼: hah dont apologize
▼: i was being sarcastic
▲: oh. eheh.
▼: youre the biggest derp john
▼: its you
▲: thanks?
▼: youre welcome
▼: god damn im getting tired
▲: you should get some sleep! you're sick and all.
▼: yeah i probably should
▼: dont exactly feel like it though
▼: but you also have that homework shitthing or w/e
▲: haha, homework i'm not doing.
▲: you're much more important!
▼: and just when i thought my face couldnt crack any more
▼: me more important than homework huh
▲: of course you are!
▼: and youre more important than sleep
▼: obiously
▼: *obviously
▲: hehe, if you say so, i guess.
▼: which is why ive stayed up this late
▼: and of course i say so
▼: every word i speak is truth
▼: unless its ironic
▲: haha, for sure.
▲: guh, it's freezing in here!
▼: well get a blanket or w/e
▼: we dont need you getting sick
▼: you still have to prance around my apartment in a maids outfit remember
▲: bluh, don't want to get up and get one.
▲: haha, you're still on about that?
▼: yup
▼: highlight of the convo right there
▼: i mean besides the whole were now going out thing
▲: pervert. haha!
▼: heh
▼: john allow me to be corny again for a sec kay
▲: go for it.
▼: i love you
▼: in a totally homosexual way
▼: unironical and everything
▼: have i rendered you speechless again
▲: maybe a little. heh.
▲: i love you too, though.
▲: but i'm curious as to why you brought this up after my pervert comment? hehe!
▼: haha
▼: i have no fucking clue
▼: guess ive just been waiting too long to say it
▲: you are just the sweetest.
▲: it is you.
▼: god damn
▼: you win again
▼: if my face got any redder itd fucking burst like an overripe strawberry
▲: that makes two for like, a zillion!
▼: i find that to be of small consolation bro
▼: how many is a zillion anyway
▲: a ton of millions?
▲: haha, i've never thought about it.
▼: thats like asking how many stars there are huh
▼: no one will ever know
▲: ooh, that reminds me!
▼: sup
▲: haha, do you have freckles too? seeing as it's all sunny and stuff over there.
▼: uh
▼: lets go with maybe
▼: yes maybe i do and maybe i dont
▲: well then, i'll keep thinking you do, then.
▼: god dammit i cant win can i
▼: i mean in this situation
▼: okay yes i have freckles okay
▼: hate em more than my accent
▲: but why???
▼: because
▲: oh my god, you must be adorable!!
▼: they look funny
▼: uh
▼: sure lets go with adorable if thatll put your heart at ease
▲: forget you, i am right this time, dave. i win.
▼: of fuckit
▼: *oh
▼: yes john you win
▲: aaah, so cute!
▼: have this medal of somewhat relevant title because i cant think of a good one atm
▼: and no i aint
▼: the medal of
▼: egderp is a huge spazz thats somehow also always right
▼: etched in fucking gold
▲: i am the master of looking like an idiot 24/7. freckles are not bad at all.
▼: okay john
▼: what about you looks like an iiot
▼: *idiot
▼: enlighten me
▼: and pardon my constant sick induced typos
▼: those aint cool man
▲: well, everything? glasses and buck teeth and being super pale are the main ones, i guess.
▲: and i'll forgive your typos, because i'm just a nice guy.
▼: buck teeth huh
▼: thanks
▼: you sound fucking adorable not gonna lie
▲: that's too bad for you, you're the only person on the planet to think that!
▼: well good
▼: means people dont know how awesome you are
▼: and that means i have no competish
▼: i get you all to myself
▲: ngh, blushing for long periods of time kind of hurts, you know.
▼: no kidding
▼: so does smiling like a derp
▲: haha, i'd know that best!
▼: no because youre probably used to it
▼: i aint
▼: this has gone beyond starting to hurt into just plain hurt
▲: oh gosh, i'm sorry!
▼: heh stop apologizing
▼: count this as an accomplishment john
▼: considering i dont smile all that often anyway
▲: i wish i could see you smile! i bet you look amazing.
▼: nah
▼: i really dont
▼: i just checked the mirror to make sure
▼: this grins kinda messing up my look
▼: other than that yeah i look amazing
▲: you are full of shit. i know you look perfect!
▼: if im so full of shit how come my eyes arent brown
▲: ew.
▲: wait, what?
▲: what color are your eyes?
▲: blue?
▼: nope
▼: thats strictly confidential
▲: what?? no fair!
▼: theres a reason i wear these shades other than to look like a douche you know
▼: and to be totally ironic while doing so
▲: mean, dave. mean.
▼: heh
▼: yes i am
▼: glad youve noticed
▼: then what color are your eyes john
▼: im guessing blue cause thats the first thing you guessed
▲: yup!
▲: boring blue, haha.
▼: really
▼: sky blue or navy blue
▼: or gray blue
▼: or maybe with a little hint of green
▲: just, blue?
▼: id rather have blue eyes john
▲: what color are they? pleeeeeeeease tell me?
▼: fine
▼: ...
▼: tomorrow
▲: ass.
▼: why yes
▼: yes i am
▲: hehe. a choice piece of ass, though.
▲: see what i did there?
▲: heh.
▼: oh jegus
▼: yes i saw that
▼: youre a few thousand miles away from this choice ass though
▼: sucks for you
▲: i'm good at improvising!
▼: uh huh
▼: improvising what per se
▼: get your tickets all ordered or something
▲: what? no.
▲: although i should be doing that, guh.
▼: dude be more clear
▲: no way! if you didn't get it, too bad.
▼: im still sick and kinda falling asleep you know
▲: it was an awesome innuendo, i was proud of it.
▲: and you didn't even notice.
▼: oh
▲: lame, dave. lame.
▼: well damn
▼: i must really be out of it
▲: for sure! haha.
▼: thats not a good sign
▼: striders missing innuendos is a sign of the apocalypse
▲: oh no!!
▼: i know
▼: like meteors or something
▼: damn i dont wanna go to bed though
▲: if you're sleepy, you can! i don't mind, i feel bad i kept you up.
▼: dude i kept you from your homework so were even
▲: if you say so! still, though, it's worse in your case.
▼: yeah right
▼: sick is a normal state to be sometimes
▼: but homework
▼: hope your teachers not a dick
▲: it's not that big a deal, i have the whole weekend to do it!
▼: well yeah but
▼: i have the whole weekend to recover
▲: ah, true, true!
▼: but yeah
▼: my eyes are falling shut by themselves now
▲: guh, dave! go get some sleep!
▼: fine fine
▼: i love you john
▲: i love you too
▼: welp john
▼: guess this is goodnight huh
▲: pfft, you big baby.
▲: we talk like, every day!
▼: yeah yeah
▼: i know
▼: w/e
▲: just go get some sleep and try to feel better!
▼: okay and you write that essay
▼: lazy ass
▲: guh, you just had to remind me.
▼: yup
▲: my knight in shining sunglasses.
▼: they are the shiniest
▼: its them
▲: you seriously need to go to bed now, dude. haha.
▼: fine
▼: gnight love
▲: night! love you. <3
GUYS

I surprised myself with how well I RP as Dave.

AND YES THIS IS NOW AN UNOFFICIAL SHIP.

(can't decide between JohnDave and JohnKat ;n; well, whatever.)

I was Dave
[link] on Tumblr was John
And Homestuck is (c) :iconandrewhussieplz:
© 2012 - 2024 aeris7dragon
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EVERYTHING IS FELT HERE~